he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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