and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
