Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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