i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
