Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
