Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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