My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
