ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
