if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
