3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
