Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
