I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
