she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
