I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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