It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
