I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
