I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
