I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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