Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
