Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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