what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
