I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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