someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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