I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
