I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
