My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
