Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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