The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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