Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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