You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
