whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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