sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
