Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
