Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
