I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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