it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
