so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
