You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
