I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
