So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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