Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how drunk are you?
Several
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
