You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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