Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
