Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
