margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
