im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
