I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just puked most of my soul out..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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