If that was your dad, he is hot
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
