I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
where am i from again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
