dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
