so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
