Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
