Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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