I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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