Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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