brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
