put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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