she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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